On The Road Again, Part 4

Day One. The Third Person.



The Dollhouse looked like most other strip clubs Al and I had ever been to. Dark. Lots of shadows. Dark carpeting, dark upholstery on the chairs and in the booths. A sign just inside the front entrance advertised, "We are a Non-Smoking Facility" but somehow the room was still filled with cigarette smoke.

There were five small stages in the Dollhouse, and one large stage in the center of the room. All the stages had small running lights along the sides, each with one of the ubiquitous dancing poles.




Al and I picked a pair of seats in front of the main stage and settled down to watch the show.

The format was simple; there were three songs in each set. Each girl danced in a bikini for the first song, for the second song she'd remove her top, and for the third set, she danced topless, God bless her.

Al and I ordered a couple of beers and watched a couple of shows. It's a strange thing. I've been in strip clubs with male dancers for female audiences, and in clubs with female dancers for male audiences, and everybody acts the same.

In clubs with male dancers, the women act like Red Sox fans after Boston won the Series. They yell and scream and wave their arms like they're at a rock concert. Male audiences are different. Most guys just sit there when a woman's dancing for them. She might get a smile and some money, but there's not much emotion involved, not unless the guy's really, really drunk.

Al and I weren't really really drunk, so we just sat there and watched the show for a while. I could see that he was smiling at a couple of the girls, but he wasn't behaving any differently than any other customer of the club.

I said, "Having a good time?"

"Sure, he said." A redheaded girl named Ginger was kneeling in front of him, massaging her breasts.

I said, "You know what we need to do?"

"What," Al asked as he tucked a dollar bill into Ginger's g-string.

"We need to try to take one of these girls back to the hotel room.

Al laughed. "Good luck with that."

I almost spit out my beer when I heard that. Al had taken me to my first strip club. Hell, he'd gotten me my first date with a stripper. Dating strippers was a difficult chore, but it wasn't impossible. Al had showed me how to do it. Now, Neil Armstrong was saying it was impossible to reach the moon. I realized getting Al's balls back might be more difficult than I'd first anticipated.

When you're trying to make a date with a stripper while she's working, you have to understand you're dealing with three people.

The first person is the persona the stripper wants you to see. She's being sexy just for you. She's taking her clothes off just for you. All the other guys in the club are extraneous. She's lusting after you, bub. The money you're giving her to get naked is just for show. She'd do it for free, as long as it's for you. Obviously, the first person is an illusion. The best strippers are very good at giving you that illusion.

The second person is the "real" persona behind the first person, behind the illusion. This is a job to her. She's taking her clothes off for you because you're giving her money. If somebody else gives her more money, she'll be the dream girl of that guy. A harsh reality, but it's the truth.

Then, there's the third person. If you really want to date a stripper, you have to address the third person. The Third Person is the girl behind the second person. The Third Person is reality behind the reality. The Third Person is the girl dancing to pay her college tuition. She's dancing to support a family, or she's dancing because she's bored. The Third Person isn't named Candy or Ginger or Chantal. The Third Person is named Kathy or Rebecca and she's got bills to pay and her car's transmission is on the verge of giving out. She's the real girl behind the dancer. If you want to date a stripper, you've got to find out about the Third Person. If she's looking to meet someone, she doesn't want someone interested in only the first or second person; she's interested in someone interested in the real her.

So, you pay for a table dance with her and if you're lucky, she'll chat with you when you get a private moment, and that's when she'll show you who that Third Person is. That's the person you deal with.

So you say things like, "I've got kids, too. Two boys and a girl."

Or, "What a coincidence. I studied English Lit in college."

Or, "I could tell you used to dance ballet. You've got a real sense of grace about you."

Al and I spent about thirty minutes just watching the show. There were lots of attracive girls there, lots of college girls. I'd have to say the Dollhouse got a thumbs up from me compared to some of the other clubs I've been to.

However, Al just sat there. He smiled and handed out a few dollar bills here and there, but he wasn't acting like the old Al I knew.

One dancer, a girl named April, looked like Al's type. She was petite, but she had an hourglass figure and full breasts with red, perky nipples. When she danced for Al, he just sat there and watched, but I could tell he was enjoying her performance. So, when she was done dancing and she was getting her dress back on, I told her I wanted her to give my buddy Al a table dance.

April was young, maybe twenty-one or twenty-two, with lots of youthful energy. She said, "Sure."

I said, "You need to know something, though. Al needs a good time. He's had a run of hard luck. His wife left him just before he got back from Iraq."

April's eyes went wide. "Really?"

I said, "Oh, yeah. Al's a vet. Special Forces. But don't let on you know, okay? He's seen some things you just don't want to admit you've seen."

"Wow," said April.

"And then on his way home Al's wife gives him divorce papers. A real kick in the crotch."

"I'll bet," said April.

"So I'm counting on you to give him a good time, okay?" A table dance cost only twenty, but I made sure April saw I was giving her TWO twenty dollar bills. "A really good time," I said.

April said, "You can count on me," and she took my cash and approached Al. She took him by the hand, whispered in his ear, and then she led him to the back of the room.